so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
