shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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