these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
