No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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