We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
