we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
