I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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