new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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