I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
