Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
