my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
