Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
