I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
