So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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