So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i out mim tonsoeep
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