My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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