woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
