this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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