So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize