I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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