your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
