I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
