they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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