this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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