my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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