Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
