he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I will pee on everything he values.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
