Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
