Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Found the puke drawer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
