So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
