It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
