I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
