Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
