I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
