you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize