turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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