today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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