i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
