life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
