you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
