I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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