I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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