I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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