Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
