Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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