y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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