I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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