dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
