i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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