it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
