I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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