I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
