we have officially lost it.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
