I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
honey bunches of taint.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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