he shaved USA in his pubs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
