i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
