I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
