M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize