Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
