I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
