My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
