I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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