Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
