just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
