just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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