he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize