singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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