You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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