Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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